[Or: How To Be A Supersleuth Like MEEEEEEE!!!!]
PART ONE: THE SOCIAL CONTRACT
You know what, gang? Truth ain't easy. Truth doesn't, like, just rise to the surface, you know?
You gotta dig for truth, yeah?
You gotta dig for truth through a whole shitload of lies, and those lies have really slick public relations campaigns and awesome websites with cool animations and thousands of whorebots with fancy journalism degrees [from real universities!] who get paid big money to make sure you don't get to see the truth.
Truth ain't easy, but maybe it's not supposed to be. If you wanna wade into truth, in all it's fucking glory, you gotta be aware you're gonna be wading through a whole lot of lies masquerading as truth.
But, like, you got something better to do with your time, or what?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
PART TWO: HOW TO BE A SUPERSLEUTH LIKE MEEEEEEE!!!!
In light of all this, I have found a way to sleuth out secret shit on .gov.au internal sites. It's surprisingly easy and fun and [this is important] not illegal. So, do this search, right now:Yeah, I'm tellin' you.
OK, so maybe I was exaggerating a little bit about how surprisingly easy and fun and [this is important] not illegal sleuthing out secret shit on internal .gov.au sites is. It's not that much fun. Unfortunately a lot of the secret shit you can sleuth out on internal .gov.au sites seems to be really fucking boring, along the lines of the non-secret shit on .gov.au external sites, which is also really fucking boring.
I know, what the fuck? Lift your game, internal .gov.au sites! [And yes, internal .gov.au sites, I know you're reading this.]
But it is surprisingly easy and [this is important] not illegal and, you know, two out of three ain't so bad, now is it?
Actually, it's only 66% but it could be worse.
PART THREE: INFORMATION HIDES INFORMATION [IN INFORMATION]
OK, OK, OK. Let's just be real for a second here. I know you don't have the attention span to "read" long, boring, complex sequences of motionless "words," and I know it's, like, really hard for you to analyse and comprehend the "meaning" of long, boring, complex sequences of motionless "words," and I know that you are all so lazy, or hungover, or wasted, that you couldn't "understand" what those "words" are supposed to "mean" even if you could "read" them, and I know, deep down, you really just want me or someone like me to do all the "thinking" for you and "explain" the "meaning" of those "words" for you.
Well, fuck you, I'm not gonna. Where's the fun in that? As my man Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche so memorably said:
And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
And furthermore:
And Fred Willy was, like, this sick old miserable German bastard who lived in the horrible olden days, right? And we prolly have it a lot fucking easier than him, but he recognised the joy [or gay science, if you prefer, I know, shut up] to be found in digging for truth, even if you never find it. So what's your fucking excuse, huh?For cheerfulness - or, in my own language gay science - is a reward: the reward of the long, brave, industrious and subterranean seriousness, of which, to be sure, not everyone is capable. But on the day we say with all our hearts: "Onwards! Our old morality too is part of the comedy!" we shall have discovered a new complication and possibility for the Dionysian drama of "The Destiny of the Soul" - and one can wager that the grand old eternal comic poet of our existence will be quick to make use of it! [1]
CONCLUSION: I AM SPEAKING TO YOUR INSTINCT
Yeah, but I am:
You can and you can't,
You will and you won't;
You'll be damned if you do,
You'll be damned if you don't.
L. Dow: Chain
You will and you won't;
You'll be damned if you do,
You'll be damned if you don't.
L. Dow: Chain
REFERENCES:
[1] Nietzsche, Friedrich Wilhelm; On The Genealogy of Morals; 1887 [excerpt found here: http://users.compaqnet.be/cn127103/Nietzsche_on_the_genealogy_of_morals/on_the_genealogy_of_morals.htm] and cited in:
Hatab, Lawrence J.; Nietzsche's Life Sentence: Coming to terms with eternal recurrence; 2005 [partly available on googlebooks here: http://books.google.com/books?id=Co5_-EvpWEkC&lpg in between annoying "page not scanned" messages. What the fuck googlebooks? Lift your game!]
[SockRatEz says: you sure it is not illegal? Did you check with the three Drunken Monkey Lawyers? I clicked on it and saw a load of "confidential" files ... I guess if it is on the interenet it is public domain? Or is this another trick like when WhiteyRoundEye told me to type "itanimulli" dot com (illuminati spelled backwards) into my browser ... go on do it, I dare you! Please confirm with the 3 DMLs and let us know]
Hatab, Lawrence J.; Nietzsche's Life Sentence: Coming to terms with eternal recurrence; 2005 [partly available on googlebooks here: http://books.google.com/books?id=Co5_-EvpWEkC&lpg in between annoying "page not scanned" messages. What the fuck googlebooks? Lift your game!]
[SockRatEz says: you sure it is not illegal? Did you check with the three Drunken Monkey Lawyers? I clicked on it and saw a load of "confidential" files ... I guess if it is on the interenet it is public domain? Or is this another trick like when WhiteyRoundEye told me to type "itanimulli" dot com (illuminati spelled backwards) into my browser ... go on do it, I dare you! Please confirm with the 3 DMLs and let us know]
[Greg the Bunny says: the gods damn it SockRatEz ... I did that and now I have the NSA on my I.P. [e]arse!!]
[HappyAppleStarLight says: let me tell you a story about another group of people who had to confront evil and maybe do things that weren't that legal even though they were afraid. Dorothy and Toto went to Oz and fought The Wicked Witch Of The West and all her creepy FLYING MONKEYS and they had nothing but their courage and sparkly rainbow magic and catchy songs and THE GOODNESS IN THEIR HEARTS oh, and munchkins and in the end they TOTALLY MURDERED THAT WICKED WITCH AND THAT MEANS THEY WON!!! OK, I know that's The Wizard Of Oz, but so what you guys? IT'S STILL BASED ON REAL LIFE! You know?]
[sparx says: I feel like HappyAppleStarLight may have a good point somewhere in there. So I did consult the three drunken monkey lawyers and in between shots they said it's definitely not illegal. So. You guys. Come on. Seriously. Let's all try to be a bit more like Nietzsche and a bit less like Greg the Bunny and approach digging for truth with a little bit of fucking gay science already and not get caught up in fear, yeah? Yeah? Yeah. [#nietzscheforthewin]]
[HappyAppleStarLight says: let me tell you a story about another group of people who had to confront evil and maybe do things that weren't that legal even though they were afraid. Dorothy and Toto went to Oz and fought The Wicked Witch Of The West and all her creepy FLYING MONKEYS and they had nothing but their courage and sparkly rainbow magic and catchy songs and THE GOODNESS IN THEIR HEARTS oh, and munchkins and in the end they TOTALLY MURDERED THAT WICKED WITCH AND THAT MEANS THEY WON!!! OK, I know that's The Wizard Of Oz, but so what you guys? IT'S STILL BASED ON REAL LIFE! You know?]
[sparx says: I feel like HappyAppleStarLight may have a good point somewhere in there. So I did consult the three drunken monkey lawyers and in between shots they said it's definitely not illegal. So. You guys. Come on. Seriously. Let's all try to be a bit more like Nietzsche and a bit less like Greg the Bunny and approach digging for truth with a little bit of fucking gay science already and not get caught up in fear, yeah? Yeah? Yeah. [#nietzscheforthewin]]
